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135 Best Funny Christmas Jokes for Kids for 2022!

The best Christmas jokes! Beano's funny Christmas jokes collection...

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  December 5th 2022

We love funny Christmas jokes: corny Xmas jokes, short funny Christmas jokes, cartoon jokes... what’s not to love?! Turn ho ho ho into ha ha ha with icicle-sharp, funny Christmas jokes 2022 for kids from Beano!

Our elves have packed 135 very Christmas jokes onto this absolutely epic list! So the next time someone says, ‘Tell me a Christmas joke!’, you’ll have more than enough to choose from!

Still want more of the top Christmas jokes and puns when you're done here? Head on over to our collection of the funniest Santa jokescracker jokes or Christmas tree jokes! After this lot, you'll be able to Christmas joke of the day any day you like and have a very punny Christmas!

1. Daughter: Can I have a pony for Christmas?
Dad: The oven’s only big enough for a turkey!

2. What's a tiger's favourite Christmas song?
Jungle bells!

3. How do you wash your hands at Christmas?
With hand Santatizer

4. What do you call a computer that grows on a Christmas tree?
A PineApple!

5. Who gives lobsters their Christmas presents?
Santa Claws!

6. What does Tom say in December?
Jerry Christmas!

7. How does Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presence!

8. Why was E the only letter that got a Christmas present?
Because all the other letters were not E!

9. Why does the Grinch hate Christmas?
Because it makes him green with envy!

10. What did the mummy present say to the baby present?
Wrap up warm!

11. What's the best way to eat a Brussel sprout?
To not eat it!

12. Why does no one like meeting up with the snowman?
He's always so flaky!

13. What do you call a girl with a prickly head?

14. What's a Christmas tree's favourite Cliff Richard song?
Mistletoe and pine!

15. What's got four legs and flashes red?
Rudolph needing his nose changed!

16. What sort of sprout is very good at getting stuff done?
A hustle sprout!

17. What bird is the best at unlocking doors?
A turkey!

18. What happens when a snowman stubs his toe?
It gets thaw!

19. What's orange and could beat you in a fight?
A satsuma wrestler!

20. What do you call a search engine that sings Christmas songs?
Michael Googlé!

Christmas stocking

21. What do you call a Christmas rom-com about bread?
Loaf Actually!

22. What's the Grinch's least favourite band?
The Who!

23. How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
Merry Christmas to ewe!

24. What do golfers get in their stockings?
Silly putty!

25. Why wouldn’t Ebenezer Scrooge eat at the pasta restaurant?
It cost a pretty penne!

26. Why did nobody bid for Donner and Blitzen on eBay?
They were two deer!

27. What’s warty and hangs from the ceiling at Christmas?

28. Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?
Because he has private elf care!

29. How is Drake like an elf?
He spends all his time wrapping!

30. Which Christmas carol do dogs like best?
Bark the Herald Angels Sing!

Christmas Puns and Jokes

31. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad?
A pineapple!

32. How do you feel when you can't get to your Advent calendar chocolate?

33. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A Christmas quacker!

34. Which one of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves?

35. How long are an elf’s legs?
Just long enough to reach the ground!

36. What does Santa spend his wages on?
Jingle bills!

37. What’s red, white and green?
Santa Claus when he’s travel sick!

38. Where does Santa stay when he’s on holiday?
In a ho-ho-hotel!

39. Where would you find a Christmas tree?
Between a Christmas two and a Christmas four!

40. What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas?
Tis the season to be jelly!

Christmas pudding

41. Doctor, doctor! I’ve got a mince pie stuck up my nose!
What you need is some cream!

42. Knock knock! Who's there? Harold. Harold who?
Harold Angels Sing!

43. Knock knock! Who's there? Holly. Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!

44. Knock knock! Who's there? Hanna. Hanna who?
Hanna partridge in a pear tree!

45. Knock, knock! Who's there? Snow. Snow who?
Snow business like show business!

46. Which Christmas carol is about an animal with three legs?
Little Wonkey!

47. Why don't penguins fly?
Because they're not tall enough to be pilots!

48. What is a skunk’s favourite Christmas carol?
Jingle Smells!

49. What's the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?
Your teeth!

50. What month do Christmas trees hate most?

Christmas t-shirt

51. Why do snowmen like living at the North Pole?
Because it's cool!

52. Which athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!

53. How did Scrooge end up with the football?
The ghost of Christmas passed!

54. How do Mexican sheep say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!

55. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!

56. What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards!

57. What Christmas carol is sung in the desert?
O, Camel Ye Faithful!

58. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

59. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!

60. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?
Deep pan, crisp and even!

61. Why was the snowman rummaging in the bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose!

62. What did the snowman say to the robin?
I have snow idea!

63. What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!

64. What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Iceburgers with chilly sauce!

65. Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!

66. What do you call Rudolph with tinsel in his ears?
Anything you want, he can't hear you!

67. Why did Rudolph cross the road?
Because he was tied to the chicken!

68. Why didn’t Rudolph go to school?
He was elf-taught!

69. What's worse than a reindeer with a runny nose?
A snowman with a fever!

70. Where does Santa go when he's sick?
To the elf centre!

Three Christmas candles

71. Why doesn’t Santa eat junk food?
Because it’s bad for your elf!

72. Who delivers Christmas presents to baby sharks?
Santa Jaws!

73. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!

74. Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had low elf esteem!

75. Where would you find snowmen dancing?
At a snowball!

76. What did the reindeer say to the elf?
Nothing...reindeer can't talk!

77. What did one Christmas tree decoration say to the other?
Let's hang out!

78. What kind of music do elves like best?

79. Why did the turkey cross the road?
He wasn't chicken!

80. Who is Santa's all-time favourite pop singer?
Elf-is Presley!

81. If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does an elf get?
Mistle toe!

82. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

83. What do you call Santa when he's on a tea break?
Santa Pause!

84. Doctor, doctor! I’m scared of Father Christmas!
You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia!

85. What reindeer has the worst manners?

86. Who delivers your dog’s Christmas presents?
Santa Paws!

87. What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet!

88. What did one snowman say to the other?
Can you smell carrots?

89. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Their days are numbered!

90. What do you get if Santa forgets to wear his undercrackers?
Saint Knickerless!

91. What does Santa use to bake cakes?
Elf-raising flour!

92. What happens to naughty elves?
They get the sack!

93. What says "Oh Oh Oh"?
Santa walking backwards!

94. What nationality is Santa?
North Polish!

95. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Ice Krispies!

96. What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we'll go places!

97. What do you call an old snowman?
A puddle!

98. How many letters are there in the Christmas alphabet?
25 - there's no L!

99. What does Santa eat for breakfast?
Mistle toast!

100. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
Because of all the wrapping!

101. What did one Christmas tree say to another?
Lighten up!

102. Why is it so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrr!

103. What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
The letter Y!

104. Who robs from the rich so he can gift-wrap presents for the poor?
Ribbon Hood!

105. What's red, white and blue at Christmas time?
A sad candy cane!

106. Why should Christmas dinner always be well done?
So you can say "Merry Crispness"!

107. This turkey tastes like an old sofa...
Well, I thought you liked stuffing!

108. What is the most competitive season?

109. Why is everyone so thirsty at the North Pole?
No well, no well!

110. What’s a snowman’s favourite food?

111. Where does Mistletoe go to become famous?

112. What happened to the man who stole an Advent calendar?
He got 24 days!

113. What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder!

114. When is a boat just like snow?
When it's adrift!

115. How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle!

116. What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!

117. What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Sant Applause!

118. Who forgets to put on his underpants, then goes out to deliver presents?
Saint Knicker-less!

119. What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!

120. Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it 'soots' him!

A man and woman with Christmas accessories on

121. What did the sea say to Santa?
Nothing! It just waved!

122. How much did Santa's sleigh cost?
Nothing - it was on the house!

123. What do snowmen do when the weather's too hot for hats and scarves?
They change into puddles!

124. What do you call people who are scared of Christmas?

125. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

126. How many presents can Santa fit into an empty sack?
Only one - after that, it isn't empty!

127. How do you know if Santa's in your house?
You can sense his presents!

128. Who solves crimes at Christmas?
Santa Clues!

129. How do you scare a snowman?
With a hairdryer!

130. How good is Santa at karate?
He has a black belt!

A loud exploding Christmas cracker

131. What's red, white and spotty?
Santa Claus with chickenpox!

132. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
Santa rolling down a hill!

133. Why are Christmas trees bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!

134. Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can hoe, hoe, hoe!

135. What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
"I don't like sprouts!"

Animal jokes