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20 Best Guinea Pig Jokes and Puns

These Hilarious Guinea Pig Jokes & Puns are Guaranteed to Raise a Couple of Hairs!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  November 6th 2023

Yes it’s true, these hair raising Guinea Pig jokes are fur real They’re so funny, I have a hutch you’ll be laughing for cages. When you’ve finished with these jokes, have a look at our super cute pet quizzes, gags and facts because they’re the cat’s whiskers! Also if you’re thinking of owning a guinea pig and are struggling for a pet name you might like this What Should I Name My Guinea Pig Quiz. Finally, if this guinea pig content is old news you might be able to ace our Ultimate Guinea Pig Quiz!

Why can’t you hear the Guinea Pig roar?

It’s just a little wheek!

What do you call an agressive guinea pig

A cage fighter!

What happens when a piglet is born on a certain Pacific Island?

New Guinea Pig

Guinea Pig Alf: Why are we eating our owners?

Guinea Pig Susan: Because they let us!

Why did a guinea pig say "baa"? 

It was learning a new language!

How do you dry a hamster?

Hang it on the washing line with a guinea peg!

What do you do if a 2 ton guinea pig takes your packed lunch?

Let it!

Why did the guinea pigs refuse to leave the hutch?

Because it was raining cats and dogs!

What do you do when your bicycle squeaks?

Take the guinea pig out of the basket!

What do you call a 6ft guinea pig covered in tattoos?


How does a guinea pig clean it’s back?

With a floofer!

My guinea pig’s not getting any older!

Every time I ask it’s age it just says a wheek! 

Why did the guinea pig return her diamond ring? 

It wasn't enough karats!

What do you call a happy guinea pig?

A grinny pig!

Why did the guinea pig quit her job? 

It didn't pay enough a big enough celery!

What do you call a guinea pig with three eyes? 

A guinea piiig!

What do you call a hungry guinea pig?

A skinny pig!

Man in cinema: Why is a Guinea Pig watching Harry Potter?

Guinea Pig in cinema: I liked the books!

How long does it take to learn to speak guinea pig languange!

Just a wheek!

My guinea pig disappeared and I found £1 under my pillow!

It was the floof fairy!